The First Few Years

by Thoughts

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This record is written in regards to my first few years moving away for college. It's not perfect, but neither am I. Glad you can finally hear these words. Thanks for listening.

~Ethan Nash (Thoughts)


released April 4, 2014

Elliott Lanam at Hidden City Studios, Santa Barbara, CA(engineer/mixing/mastering)
Cesar Hernandez Montero (album artwork)
And all the rest of my awesome friends.



all rights reserved


Thoughts Santa Barbara, California

Just guitar and honest lyrics. And some metal shit.

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Track Name: Foundations
The pressure is laid on thick. I'm held together but I'm starting to rip. Have I been this blind this whole time? Have I found what I've been trying to find?

What can I say? Do I say anything at all? When I close my eyes you're what I see. Please stop tormenting me.

I'm about to break. Crushed by all this mounting weight. I'll stay connected and I'll stay calm. But this is something I can't fake anymore.

I burnt this bridge or so I thought, but I think the foundations have yet to rot. I may be wrong, but I hope I'm not. I'm sick of my stomach being tied in knots. I know that I'm in the wrong and I know I shouldn't be writing this song. But I've given up trying to fight. My black eyes and broken ribs are the reason behind it.
Track Name: Frozen
The air is bitter. The trees are bare. I believe that winter I finally here. The ground glistens with the slightest bit of frost. And the bright lights on every night keep me from getting lost on my way home.

I pull these sleeves over my hands as the cold air bites at my fingertips. These cold nights seem to be getting longer. I pull my hood tight as I walk alone as these cloudy skies remind me of home.

There's a slight chill in the ocean air. The fog is thick over the harbor here. These morning bike rides freeze me to my bones. But the cloudy skies make for a perfect sunset. (The more I see, the better I get.)

I'm glad I can see my breath or I might forget that I'm alive. This pen and paper cooperate just a bit better the colder it gets outside.
Track Name: Bent
This distance is killing me and it's poisoning my head. It creates fatigue and doubt and it's physically wearing me out. Wrenching and slicing a hole in my gut, but it will never be big enough to let this heart fall through. Some part will always belong to...

And I can't quite figure out why this happened to me. And I can't help but hope you're happy. (Now)

But honestly, some part of me is relieved. Eight months felt like ten years when I couldn't actually see you. The anger was building up as I slowly became undone.

Some part of me wants to see her again and another just wants to drown deeper and deeper below the surface until I'm on the ground. Let the pressure of the depths cave in and crush my chest. I'll admit I'm not broken, just ever so bent.

In a way I guess I should thank you, that being the case. You've prevented further damage and increased the repair rate.
Track Name: Impression
Hey there darling, I'm a little bit nervous but to be fully honest, I've never felt like this before. I'm tongue tied but I can't keep my mouth shut and I can't believe that I just said that, but I can't help myself. I'm scared to death, girl. The silence is screaming and my heart sounds like thunder. Can you hear it? I can't help but wonder why I've never met a girl like you. It's everything I knew is useless.

And I can't quite figure out why it's so hard to breathe around you, without you. And I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something about you that grabbed my attention, I hope I've made a lasting impression. And I hope I see you again.
Track Name: I Don't Know Why You Chose This
Why do you do this? How are we this different? Opposites from the start. But I hope it's not 'til the end. This twisted path you follow, it's empty I promise. I don't know why you chose this. But you brought this on yourself.

You're killing me. You're killing us. I don't know why you chose this but, you've become everything that I hate, but I don't want to hate you.

Your footing slipped. The guilt finally tripped you into the ground. I just wish it took a bit less than wrecked memories and a bruised chest, but I guess everyone learns their own way. Just please, learn from this.
Track Name: Vacant
I feel empty and hallow. I'm losing my touch along with ground. Every time I feel built up I'm crushed to ruins and I wrenches my guts. An elevated temperature and a flammable temper. Igniting everything around me but these ashes aren't satisfactory anymore.

There is a hole where you need to be and I am fractured and I feel weak. I've held this in for as long as I can, but this feeling I can't fucking stand.

I am vacant and I'm so worn out. Dragging myself through the days that have started to blur together in every way. Waking up just to fall asleep. Just surviving the day to the most haunting dreams. I'm having a hard time seeing just where I need to be.

Am I a mess? Am I a wreck? I swear there's more emotion in store than this bitterness that's tearing at my core. I'll keep my head above the boiling water because my anger burns me too. But, I refuse to drown. I won't go down. I just need you.
Track Name: Paralyzed & Burnt
The sound of your voice resonates within my ears. Reverberating off receptors in my head. It sends shockwaves down my spine. It's as if you've frozen time. My finish grows rough, I'm surprised I ever made it out alive.

The effect that you have on me and the impression you have made. And the fact that you chose me is solely what gets me through the day.

And your skin to the touch burns straight through my defense. My kerosene covered walls are ever so thin. Scorching but I can't pull away. Singed severely everyday. You lines and curves have simply melted me away.

Let it burn.
Track Name: This Is How It Will Always Be
I still don't get it. I still don't understand. I've learned to accept it, but the idea I still can't stand. Some I care about, most I don't. If you're someone I do, please just think things through. I'm not saying that I'm better than you. Actually, most of the time, I look up to you.